I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i believe in u and ur pee
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