The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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