Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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