Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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