Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
