That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
