I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
