Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
