We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
