she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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