1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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