It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
