apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A+ Viking dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
