Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
