i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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