How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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