Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
