Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
