But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
