Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
