I just made out with a guy for $7.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
