Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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