Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
