Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
