Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
