why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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