So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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