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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
