don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have feelings that need drinking.
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