I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
