Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
