You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
