First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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