I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
