Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
