She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
