It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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