Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
