is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
