we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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