i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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