So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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