i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize