My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
