yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's blow job season.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
