You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
