The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
