help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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