i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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