I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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