i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
