There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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