I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
