you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
