i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
