Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My vagina just clenched in fear
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
