i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
