so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
