Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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