so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize