god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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