I just cut my nipple shaving
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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