Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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