Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
