??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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