I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MIDGETS
????
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
