We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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