You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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