i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
