Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
