There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
