I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
