Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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