I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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