i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
